Life, Mom

Mother’s Day

I think about my Mom a lot, but as Mother’s Day approaches she is constantly on my mind. I wrote a blog post about her a few years ago and the amazing woman that she was. And being freshly married has made me think about her even more. How much I wish she was here to see all of my accomplishments and the women that I’ve grown into.

She’s visited my dreams a few times in the past weeks, but it’s always the same – she’s just there….watching. She never speaks. I like to think that sometimes she sends me messages in her own way, like us seeing a sea turtle on the morning we got married in Hawaii or the good juju that we had throughout our trip.

I think about how much she would love to see Ryan (my brother) as a father and how much Ryder is just like him. I think about how much she would have loved to see how our whole family has grown and how much she would have wanted to be there for her own Mom. I think about those last few months with my Grandma and taking care of her and how that’s what my Mom would have done.

She would have loved to be here.

She would have loved to be there to help me pick out my wedding dress. I remember going with her and Ryan to pick up his tux for a high school formal dance and there were wedding dresses hanging on the wall and she asked me if I would want to have a big wedding, knowing how shy I could be. I told her I wasn’t sure because standing up in front of a bunch of people seemed slightly terrifying. Well, here we are, years later, and I got married in Hawaii – just the two of us.

I think she would have loved that. She always had dreams of traveling all over and I feel like that is what compels me to travel so much. To see and experience the things that she never had a chance to.

I think she would love that we’re still having a big party with all of our friends and family to celebrate. As I make plans, google etiquette, and work through even the most minute of details I can’t help but wish she was here to help. That’s not to say I don’t have the most amazing family and friends that I can reach out to, but you get it.

I’ve had people ask how I plan to include her and to be honest, until recently, I pushed it out of mind. Knowing that if I let myself go to that place, I’d end up a hot mess. So here we are – hot mess express. I finally found a way that is meaningful to me and also incorporates two of the other most influential women in my life – both of my Grandmother’s, which you’ll have to wait a few weeks to see 🙂

Happy Mother’s Day

Life, Mom

February 26, 2004

A day that will be burned in my mind forever.

It was the day that I lost my Mom.

February is always a hard month for me, and my body usually knows it before my mind even realizes.

The first few years I just chose to stay at home on this date and do nothing. If I had to work, I’d take a vacation day, but I would always spend it alone. Then I gradually started to do something on that day that would remind me of her, like go shopping and buy a purse. She was always on the hunt for the perfect purse. 🙂 Then when my Aunt and Uncle moved to Wyoming, I started coming out here. At first, it was just to get away, and now it’s my place to go and celebrate her life. 

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and how blessed I was to have her as a mother 💗